The Glasgow Vasectomy
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From: sandy58 on 7 Nov 2009 04:54 Subject: The Glasgow vasectomy Glesga vasectomy.... After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larsson O'Neill), a Glesga couple decided that enough was enough because they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his GP and told him that he and his missus didn't want to have any more children (Wur no wantin ony mair weans, so wur no). The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a firework banger available from most east end corner shops all year round, put it in an empty beer can, light it then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. The Glesga Ned said to the doctor, "Ah might no be the smartest tool in the shed, but Ah cannae see how pittin a firework in a beer caun next to my ear is gonnae help me no tae huv ony mair weans". "Trust me," said the doctor. So the Ned went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" ..... at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure is available on the NHS, by the way, and works in Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank , Parkhead, Caldercruix, Shettleston, Bishopbriggs, Carmyle, and Barlanark
From: SG1 on 7 Nov 2009 05:27 "sandy58" <aleckie68(a)googlemail.com> wrote in message news:c0614fda-6259-4693-a6a3-0d4390fb905a(a)b15g2000yqd.googlegroups.com... > Subject: The Glasgow vasectomy > Glesga vasectomy.... > After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larsson O'Neill), > a Glesga couple decided that enough was enough because they could not > afford > a larger bed. So the husband went to his GP and told him that he and > his > missus didn't want to have any more children (Wur no wantin ony mair > weans, > so wur no). > > The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a > vasectomy > that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly > alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a firework banger > available from most east end corner shops all year round, put it in an > empty > beer can, light it then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. > > The Glesga Ned said to the doctor, "Ah might no be the > smartest > tool in the shed, but Ah cannae see how pittin a firework in a beer > caun > next to my ear is gonnae help me no tae huv ony mair weans". > > "Trust me," said the doctor. > > So the Ned went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. > He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" > "5" ..... > at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and > resumed counting on his other hand. > > This procedure is available on the NHS, by the way, and works in > Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank , Parkhead, > Caldercruix, Shettleston, Bishopbriggs, Carmyle, and Barlanark Glad ya dinna say Aberdeen or I might not be here..........
From: . on 7 Nov 2009 16:36 "sandy58" <aleckie68(a)googlemail.com> wrote in message news:c0614fda-6259-4693-a6a3-0d4390fb905a(a)b15g2000yqd.googlegroups.com... > Subject: The Glasgow vasectomy > Glesga vasectomy.... > After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larsson O'Neill), > a Glesga couple decided that enough was enough because they could not > afford > a larger bed. So the husband went to his GP and told him that he and > his > missus didn't want to have any more children (Wur no wantin ony mair > weans, > so wur no). > > The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a > vasectomy > that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly > alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a firework banger > available from most east end corner shops all year round, put it in an > empty > beer can, light it then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. > > The Glesga Ned said to the doctor, "Ah might no be the > smartest > tool in the shed, but Ah cannae see how pittin a firework in a beer > caun > next to my ear is gonnae help me no tae huv ony mair weans". > > "Trust me," said the doctor. > > So the Ned went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. > He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" > "5" ..... > at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and > resumed counting on his other hand. > > This procedure is available on the NHS, by the way, and works in > Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank , Parkhead, > Caldercruix, Shettleston, Bishopbriggs, Carmyle, and Barlanark That would be good, for retards like yourself..
From: sandy58 on 8 Nov 2009 05:34 On Nov 7, 10:36 pm, "." <.@.com> wrote: > "sandy58" <alecki...(a)googlemail.com> wrote in message > > news:c0614fda-6259-4693-a6a3-0d4390fb905a(a)b15g2000yqd.googlegroups.com... > > > > > Subject: The Glasgow vasectomy > > Glesga vasectomy.... > > After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larsson O'Neill), > > a Glesga couple decided that enough was enough because they could not > > afford > > a larger bed. So the husband went to his GP and told him that he and > > his > > missus didn't want to have any more children (Wur no wantin ony mair > > weans, > > so wur no). > > > The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a > > vasectomy > > that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly > > alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a firework banger > > available from most east end corner shops all year round, put it in an > > empty > > beer can, light it then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. > > > The Glesga Ned said to the doctor, "Ah might no be the > > smartest > > tool in the shed, but Ah cannae see how pittin a firework in a beer > > caun > > next to my ear is gonnae help me no tae huv ony mair weans". > > > "Trust me," said the doctor. > > > So the Ned went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. > > He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" > > "5" ..... > > at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and > > resumed counting on his other hand. > > > This procedure is available on the NHS, by the way, and works in > > Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank , Parkhead, > > Caldercruix, Shettleston, Bishopbriggs, Carmyle, and Barlanark > > That would be good, > for retards like yourself.. Oops! Sorry child. I didn't realise you were a kid....trying to be a smartass. comp.sys.cbm comp.sys.amiga.games aus.computers.linux
From: news reader on 10 Nov 2009 16:33 Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest and tripped over the snake and fell down. 'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth and can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am.' 'That's ok,' replied the snake. 'Actually, I too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and figure out what you are so you'll know. ' 'That would be wonderful' replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit.' 'Oh, thank you, thank you,' cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, 'Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me.' So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be a team leader, a supervisor or possibly someone in senior management!'
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